Some people are amazing at writing about the hard stuff. Maybe they can summon up all those painful feelings because they didn’t bury them so deep in the first place. Maybe they feel more comfortable with being vulnerable than I do, or maybe they are just braver than me. With some of the things that have been happening recently, I haven’t got any poignant reflections or philosophical lesson to share. All I’ve got is that sometimes things suck, sometimes people suck, sometimes everything will be wonderful and the universe will realize you are getting more than your fair share of good things and rain something awful upon you to fix the balance. But it can’t rain all the time. This particular storm is clearing and already I can see that some things are brighter than they were before. Recent events have dealt me a big lesson about self-preservation. Affixing your own oxygen mask first, worry about others later. Identifying where you have mutual support and where you have black holes – people sucking all the effort and energy and emotion out of you until you have nothing left for yourself. I want to put more effort into the people who see relationships as a two way street. I get so tired of dealing with people who don’t understand the concept of give and take, who think that the entire universe exists solely to cater to them. There are so many wonderful people in the world – people who really care and are amazing friends – it is stupid to keep wasting my energy on people who just drain me and bring me down, never giving anything back.
At a recent class at The School of Life, we did a visualization of this – writing our name in the centre of the page with all our major relationships scattered around the edges. We had to draw arrows going inwards and outwards from ourselves to these other people, in different thicknesses to indicate where the energy was going, how much of it, et cetera. I looked at my chart and realized how imbalanced some of my relationships were. Some people really are nothing but a cause of angst and stress for me, adding nothing positive to my life. It was a big a-ha moment, as Oprah would say, and I realized that I can’t – and I won’t – give these people anymore of myself. I have so many important things to direct my energy towards, and all these people are is psychic vampires. No more – I am going to prioritize myself from now on.
In other news, Posie gets out of puppy jail next week, finally! And at this stage, it looks like we will be able to move forward without surgery, which is such a relief. We still have some adjustments to make, like stairs and ramps. I think we will still be putting her in the crate for periods when we can’t directly supervise, at least for a while. Of course, she is bounding around like she has never had a sore back in her life, so it will be a struggle to keep her from overdoing it. But old problems get replaced with new problems – Rupert seems to have no appetite. Doctor Google is all doom and gloom, but I hope it’s just that he misses his sister. I miss her too – little things like if I was having a nap, she would come and snuggle next to me. Or the skittering sound of her and Rupert’s feet on the floorboards, chasing each other from room to room. But she’ll be back, and then everything will be back to normal. Then maybe the universe will decide we’ve had our fair share of bad and start giving us some good times instead.