I’m having a moment.
This whole wedding planning thing is starting to feel like one long, drawn out freak out, a silent scream. Despite my history of dabbling in theatre, I have somehow grown into a person that hates being the centre of attention. Being a bride feels like being on stage, except I’m in a giant spotlight, and I’m probably naked. At my most paranoid, I imagine that it’s an opportunity for an audience to pick me apart and critique my every move. My more rational self remembers that we are having a small wedding with only our nearest and dearest, and none of them will be thinking anything but happy thoughts for us. But anxiety isn’t exactly a rational thing. The end is in sight though – less than three months to go.
So where are we so far? Nathan has a jacket but no pants, shirt or tie. I have a dress and Cinderella-worthy shoes, and still no consensus on accessories or jewelry. Dogs will be naked at this point; I still haven’t found ‘formal harnesses’ for them yet. We have picked bonbonniere, we have pretty much settled on the menu, we need to finalize the drinks menu. Bridesmaids are getting measured for dresses that I hope they all like. Accommodation is booked for us, my family, his family. Dog sitter is organized, photographer is partially organized. Invitations are ordered, and man, what a thrill it was to see the proofs! I have picked somewhere to get our hair done. I have made a start on a dinner playlist. I have ordered corsages and boutonnieres.
But there are a million other little things that haven’t even been thought of yet. We still haven’t chosen our rings. We’re still struggling to choose songs for the ceremony. I haven’t even thought of flowers. I still haven’t found ties for the groomsmen, dads and Nathan (and Rupert, of course). We have to write speeches and vows. I have to write a dog sitting guide with all their quirks, routines and commands. We need to figure out what sort of cake we will have. I need to buy/source/get together every single little thing that we have to take with us to Melbourne, everything we could possibly need for that weekend, and find a way of fitting it all in the car. It also occurred to me that I should probably get a manicure, which I have never done before.
There is just so much. And this is meant to be a small, low key wedding, but there is still so, so much. I do not know how people plan gigantic weddings without completely losing their marbles, but I suppose that’s what wedding planners are for.
We’ll get through it. After all the stress, it might even be fun. It might even be one of the best days of my life so far.