Dread

It has been a LONG time since I’ve posted. Apologies to the two people who read here! But for now there is this:

I spent part of April and May with a jaw infection, so now, mere months after Nathan got his out, it seems it’s my turn to get my wisdom teeth out – I’m booked in for next week. And I’m a little bit terrified. So many people have told me great stories about how their operation was so easy, or they were in barely any pain, or they were eating normally 24 hours later. But according to the surgeon, that’s not how it’s going down for me. TN has a tendency to make things more complicated and this is no exception. It means a longer operation, much bigger incisions, more digging around in there, longer recovery period, bigger restrictions on how long I can’t eat for, bigger risk of complications.

I’m dreading this whole thing. It’s very scary to be on a countdown for something that you know is going to make you feel so much worse before you feel better, but worse – that it has the potential to plunge you right back into the worst pain imaginable. I’m really hoping though that it will be a cruisy week of eating custard, watching Netflix and having Nathan take silly puffy-faced photos of me – crossing all my fingers and toes!

Everything in its Right Place

It feels like the worst possible time to be leaving. The house is trashed from six months of struggling to keep things organized, Posie had a dramatic setback on Sunday night, I have an assignment due while I’m away. There are also peonies and broad bean seedlings threatening to need planting; my ankle really isn’t up for lots of walking; I haven’t chopped any wood or made any freezer meals for Nathan; I still have to write out the exhaustive chart of all the times that Posie needs meds and exactly how much; I am still only half-packed. Oh – and my laptop broke and has been sent away for repair, and when I transferred my vital stuff, I somehow missed the painstakingly detailed itinerary I had typed out for myself… so I had to start again, and I’m sure I’ve missed things.

Nothing is ready, nothing is fully prepared, but Nathan says – Go! Have fun! We’ll be fine! I’ll have all the girls over for a strip poker! (Johanna says – Ha.)

I leave tonight. Nothing is ready, but nothing is ever going to be a hundred percent ready – all of life’s little adventures start with a leap of faith. I could never take a risk and stay home forever and always regret it, or I could be brave.

PS: We went to the ballet last night, to see Swan Lake (my first time; my second ever ballet!) – tickets courtesy of Dad, for Christmas. It was wonderful. Now I want to see every production of Swan Lake!